Warm moist toilet paper is here!
Melanie found the patent for it -- this inventor went beyond my wildest dreams, adding both lotion and antibacterial ointment. (I don't want either of those things on my butt, but you gotta give him points for trying.)
I told Wendy about that, as well as the fact that Andy found a frozen iced tea patent it took four, count 'em, four Lipton scientists to invent. I was all, "This means my ideas are fantastic!" And she said, "No, this means you're like those crazy people on that late-night TV commercial who say, 'That was my idea!'"
Whatever, wait until I make millions on my Jump to Conclusions game.